Firsts

I have been silent for several weeks, partly due to questioning how much longer will my thoughts be intermingled with the fact that Andrew, Alex and Tanner went missing? Partly due to wondering how much more do my readers want to hear?

Yet, you are captive to my thoughts when you log on and begin to read.  You do have the choice of signing out and not reading on,  but I would guess you read to the end of my blog.

We have now passed all the first since they went missing; camping trips; hoildays, school events they should have been involved in, attending sporting events; birthdays; and all family gatherings.

Tanya told me somtime after the 1st of Nov., "Mom I have been through the four seasons of grief."  You see grief comes to us over more than death, we have grieved over all the "firsts" without the boys, over the missed smiles, laughter, hurts, fears, over the things they would have said or shared, the growth and maturing they would have in a years time. The hugs and "I love you's."

We have missed out but not near as much as Andrew, Alex and Tanner have missed.

The Hudson Tigers Varisity football team in the playoffs making it to the state semi-finals!  One year ago the team made it to the state finals, a game we all looked forward to attending, along with Andrew, Alex and Tanner.  This year JD Waters (their cousin) as a sophomore dressed for the playoffs and has seen playing time.  JD is our oldest grandson, the son of Karri & James Waters.  It brings tears to this grandmothers eyes as I watch JD take to the field with his team.  One more first we have had without the boys; last year Andrew, Alex and Tanner were so excited to attend the State Finals with us, this year we missed going by one loss, yet we had already made plans to go. 

Jarrett and JD will begin wrestling this weekend, now this is one sport the boys did not like to attend.  Too long to sit for them!

We moved Jenny, Todd, Maizy & Maxie Sutherland to Nebraska in July, we are so happy to see them making friends, the girls doing so well in school.  We pray that in this next year they will find and purchase a home, getting them out of apartment living. I have learned how to "Skype" and it is good to see the girls as we talk about what is happening with them and with us.  One more thing the three boys are missing.

Dallas, RyLee and Kennadi all play sports we attend these games too and would take one or more of the boys with us.  Ashlyn is a senior and has been accepted to both Bowling Green and MI State in the
pre-veterinary progam.  More things the boys have missed.

The number one thing in my mind they have missed is Emma Lynn Crowell, their first niece.  She is now 10 mos. old, we tell her all the time how much the boys would love to play with her, hold her and help feed her.  She has things of theirs to play with or cuddle with and it brings smiles and tears to this great-grandmothers eyes.

God promises all things are for good and even when bad things happen we will see good.

I allow myself a time to wonder, will one gandchild become an FBI agent, or an officer of any law enforcement agency, will one become a lawyer, will someone become an advocate for the missing, a counselor, a teacher?  Will one of us be instrumental in the finding of a missing person?

One thing for sure this grandmother will be praying for safety as this family goes on and I will be praying for others too.  I pray daily that one will not go missing, that one will not be abused, that one will be found.

Thank you Jesus for loving me, for loving my family and for loving all and wanting all to come to know you.  Amen