The Truth

In my last blog, I told you I have found a place to be content. 

Today I am questioning myself if that is the truth?

Why? You might ask.

This past week and a half; I fell back; where? 

To that place of depression; to that place of missing.

I couldn't or wouldn't go to my content place; I couldn't or wouldn't hear God.

I was however, waiting, waiting?

I applied Frankincense oil over my heart it has the ability to keep me calm and reverent. 

And so, I slept, woke, went to church and work, did the necessary household chores all with a heaviness only God knew I was carrying.

My prayers or pleas to God were short and expressed in my mind only. 

I tried reading my bible, but I was not hearing, not understanding and so I put this one back on the bedside table and my other back in my "to go" bag.

I thought I was past the struggle with depression; I thought I was doing so well. I was handling the moving forward pretty well.

Ha, not so.  In an instant I am afraid of the wind. 

Andrew, Alexander and Tanner are missing, there is no search to be done, there is no new lead. There is no closure. 

Myself and this family I blog about are individually and silently suffering. We have put on a face for all of you.

We are falling apart and the pain is real.

Steve Bridgmon you are right, "I wanna be where you are!" 

When you sing the song, "Where You Are" I am dissolved to tears. Yet, I see Andrew, Alexander and Tanner vividly and they are the same 9, 7 and 5 yr. old boys with the same faces I know from 6 yrs. ago.  They have not changed and I want to be with them.

"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." 2 Corinthians 4: 8,9 (NIV)


Thank you Paul for giving me these words today through Lysa Terkeurst.

And then taking me to the Kidron Valley. 

"My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death." Mark 14:34

I hear you Lord, I am not going through anything that you have not already suffered and even more so. I am not going through this alone.

God has said, 

"Never will I leave you; 
So we can say with confidence,

The Lord is my helper; 
I will not be afraid.


I am hard pressed; crushed and in despair; and I am overwhelmed with sorrow; but I am not alone. 


Jesus told Peter to "come" and so Peter got out of the boat, but when the winds came, he was afraid and began to sink. 

But, Christ was there and what he did was no small thing, he stretched out his hand and took Peters and together they got back in the boat.


Tim Crisenberry, I sank too. 


Now I am once again taking Jesus' hand of safety and I am getting back in the boat.